A Wedding in Spring - The Joys and Heartaches
Spring is seen as the start of a new year and provides a wonderfully appropriate backdrop for weddings with Spring Weddings symbolising the start of a new life together for the bride and groom. Depending on where you are living, the flowers will be beginning to bloom and the new buds are on the trees giving everyone a fresh feeling after the dreary winter months. A Spring Wedding can be just what everyone needs to look forward to.
Of course, Spring Weddings are best held in regions that actually have a true spring season. Tropical countries do not have the same definition of spring as western European or Eastern American states. Some countries do have more rain in spring to help give the trees and flowers the best start to their growing season so it is advisable to prepare for the chance of inclement weather.
In fact, that is exactly what happened to a friend of mine. She had planned the perfect setting for the most picturesque of Spring Weddings in a grand hotel with beautiful grounds filled with lots of spring flowers and blossoming trees.
Everything was set for the perfect day but on the morning of the ceremony the heavens opened and it was obvious that the possibility of holding the service outside would be impossible. The hotel had plenty of experience of hosting Spring Weddings and brought their ‘wet weather plan’ into action.
The ceremony was held in a room filled with flowers from the garden which gave the impression of almost being outdoors, apart from the rain! So always bear in mind that if your heart is set on a Spring Wedding the venue for your reception will almost certainly be able to cope with unrequested weather!
The colors of a Spring Wedding tend to be the paler shade of pinks, lemons, blues and greens. Everything seems fresh and new and a Spring Wedding can be wonderful!
A Summer Wedding - The Fun in the Sun!!
A Summer Wedding is the most popular choice for brides to be. Generally it is thought that a Summer Wedding will ensure good weather and that lends itself to more outside planning.
Whether you opt for outdoors or indoors planning a Summer Wedding can give you a unique opportunity to have some fun! If you are having children at your Summer Wedding why not keep them happy with an ice cream bar! This can be a great talking and meeting point for guests of all ages although the younger ones may appreciate it more!!
Summertime and watermelon go together. Watermelon can be a wonderful, cooling fruit one a warm summers day. For your Summer Wedding why not offer alcoholic and non-alcoholic refreshements based around watermelon. One interesting way to serve watermelon is to cut a small hole in the top and over a period of a few hours fill the melon with vodka! Keep the watermelon chilled and then slice and serve to guests - a wonderful way for a Summer Wedding tipple!
Treat your Summer Wedding guests to a few games while you get your pictures taken. These days there is no shortage of large versions of popular games such as Jenga, Snakes and Ladders and Four in a Row. Why not keep your guests entertained with the local schools marching band who may be keen to play at Summer Weddings.
The colors of a Summer Wedding are similar to those of a Spring Wedding only stronger. Normally the sunlight is stronger and brighter and that lends itself to your colorscheme being more vibrant aswell. If you imagine a lazy, hazy summer day then perhaps creams and greens will suit your Summer Wedding plan better.
A Fall Wedding - Cool, Crisp and Crunchy
A Fall Wedding can be absolutely wonderful! Its a superb time of year when nature gives us her full blast before falling asleep for the winter. An outdoor Fall Wedding is a colorful occasion so make the most of it if you can.
The days are cool and crisp, there’s a hint of frost and the sky has never been bluer! The trees are in their fall glory so why not hold your Fall Wedding in a state park, a vineyard or even an orchard!
Hold your Fall Wedding reception outdoors, weather permitting, and your guests can crunch through leaves to sit in a marquee and sip warmed wine. As the daylight fades carved out pumpkins with candles are lit and the atmosphere is soooo romantic!
If you decide on indoors for your Fall Wedding why not a rustic farm or inn with a real roaring fire to warm those fall chills away. If at all possible get pictures taken outside as you cannot beat the backdrop of color that mother nature will wear for your Fall Wedding Day!!
The colorscheme for any Fall Wedding just has to follow natures glory with shades of brown, gold, burnt orange and red. These colors lend themselves to most complexions and look stunning!
A Winter Wedding Wonderland
If you have decided to have a Winter Wedding then probably it will be an indoor event. Any venue can be turned into a Winter Wedding Fairytale whatever your chosen colorscheme.
As with an indoor Fall Wedding the choice of a rustic, quaint country inn with huge roaring fire and mulled wine could be the Winter Wedding perfect venue. A mountain lodge with views of the silent, snowcovered valley below could be just what you are after. If you have the opportunity to use a backdrop provided by nature then I would suggest getting outdoors for even a few pictures. You wont regret it!
When Phoebe from Friends had her Winter Wedding on a New York street and it started snowing it was the most wonderful moment. Fairylights, candles and snowflakes…..very romantic!
Colorwise think traditional, forest green, burgundy red and snow white or ultra modern with silver and ice blue. Fur and velvet or simmering sequins and satin both are wonderful for that Winter Wedding.
Whatever season you decide to marry in you have a wealth of venues, themes and colors to choose from and whatever you decide to do I hope you have the Wedding of you dreams!!
The Common Scenario:
Your partner is hardly ever home to give you attention and when he is home, he’s preoccupied with his own routine. The two of you then start picking on the little things about each other. This makes you feel unappreciated and lonely; down on yourself.
One day, you’re running household errands after work and notice a male co-worker. He comes up to you and asks you to join him for coffee. You accept and the two of you talk and laugh. You then exchange email addresses and next thing you know, you’re looking forward to talking with him again and maybe even liking your job a little more.
Weeks go by, and the excitement ebbs just a little as you begin to feel guilty and confused. You begin to have obsessive thoughts as your co-worker wants the two of you to have sometime alone. Your wandering if he could bring you the happiness that’s lacking in your home life, if the grass is truly greener on the other side.
What do you do?
You’re Only Human:
It’s human nature for you to know that you’re desired or loved and wanted. Of course, some are just plain addicted to the feeling of excitement one gets while going through an attraction with another person other than their partner. Insecure feelings and lack of self confidence can make a person think and sometimes do regrettable things when receiving attention from another. In fact, 274 out of 703 people are lacking intimacy altogether from their partner. Most people yearn for passion in their lives almost more than they want or need money. The media puts great emphasis on it through internet, movies, television, radio, magazines and books. I can’t count how many times I’ve read a juicy romance novel and wanted to pummel my husband with it as he was sacked out on the sofa.
Paying The Piper Of Desire:
Desire with love is over rated and misunderstood everywhere and many relationships are torn apart by perceptions of what a person thinks they need to fill a void in their life. They’ll practically sell their souls for romance, passion, desire and excitement. Something that their partner can’t or won’t give. But then, most never communicate with their partners about what they need so how can they know that they can’t get it? The few that have discussed their needs and wants with their partners still don’t receive it which momentarily justifies their actions. Very rarely does either party gain anything but guilt and even self-loathsome. Not to mention, what others feel and think about them when they choose to act upon their attraction or infatuation.
Phase In…Phase Out:
Infatuation is a strong, foolish, yet transitory, attachment to someone or something. Attraction is similar but less worded. In a survey I conducted, the average person that experienced attraction or infatuation was in the thirty-something category. Many people, especially women, go through an extreme transition at this stage in life. Primping in the mirror and finding the crows feet forming or the laugh lines. Looking back to see what has been accomplished and what hasn’t. Wondering what’s out there. We all go through it and it does take a toll on our self-esteem.
Use It Or Lose It:
Personally, infatuation over someone other than your partner can actually put spark into a stale relationship. According to my own survey, 19% said that their relationship and feelings with their partner were positively stronger after their infatuation with another. On the other hand, 31% said it never changed their relationship at all because they never told their partner and never acted on their feelings.
Most people do make the undeniable mistake of acting on their infatuation while otherwise committed to another. Out of 294 males, 124 have cheated on their partner and 122 out of 326 females did the same. Approximately, 30% of my personal survey takers advise others in similar situations to “be careful” because “it’s not worth it” or “recognize the attraction for what it is and don’t read more into it.” On a positive note, 37% of those that took the survey did not act upon their attraction.
Is This Love?
The definition of love is, a feeling that animates a person who is devoted to, and sincerely fond of another person or thing that they desire actively. No wonder so many confuse infatuation and attraction with love! The similarities are quite evident. But the key words are “devoted” and “desire actively”. Love for another is long-lasting, a more grounded feeling than infatuation or attraction. None of the situations mentioned in my own survey resulted in love or marriage with the other person. Although, 44% resulted in a serious, sexual relationship but neither case ended up as just a one-night-stand. For the most part, 27% say that it’s just a memory that they’d rather forget. And only 27% hope to see that person again.
Rewind And Redefine:
So why are most of us so hell-bent on the excitement of infatuation or always wondering if the next person is “the one” even though we are already in a commitment? It’s all about ourselves. What we’re not getting and refuse to ask for and give in return. How we feel about or see ourselves through another’s eyes. Our boredom with a current situation. Not to mention, some of us are just thrill-seekers and taboo-addicts.
Recently, I came upon a quote from SavvyMale.com on attraction.
“We go to the garden to look at the flowers, not the weeds. People are attracted to different looking flowers. But even some pretty flowers stink once we try to smell them.”
In my opinion, the moral of this quote is, physical attraction is important at first. Only when we attempt to explore more qualities will we know if a chemistry exists and most of the time it doesn’t. However, if we are already committed to another, we can still look at the pretty flowers; just leave them alone. Instead, share your feelings of their beauty with your partner and cultivate your own beautiful garden as a couple. There’s a greater chance of your grass being the greenest of all.
THE EARLY YEARS
Fortunately for all Americans the 1960’s, 70’s and then 80’s led first to greater sexual freedom and liberation - and then to greater sexual honesty, The internet boom of the last decade solidified those gains to the extent that there can likely never really be a return to the sexual “dark ages”.
THE GAYS and THE “THREE B’s”
Gays and Lesbians had historically lived prior to the Stonewall Riots lives of quiet desperation “in the closet” facing overt hostility and repression every day of their lives.
After the STONEWALL RIOTS - our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters overall marched straight out of their closets and eventually right down MAIN STREET or FIFTH AVENUE or MARKET STREET or SANTA MONICA BOULEVARD in their festive PRIDE PARADES across North America and now across the world. Many gays and to a lesser extent Lesbians want to be open about their sexual orientation - while this is NOT the case with most bisexuals - especially happy bisexuals.
Soon across America there were dozens of openly gay bars, adult bookstores, and bathhouses in every major North American city. Gay Community Centers sprouted in most every major North American city - save San Francisco - where until recently the community was so fractious they could not even open such a center! Gay Community Centers with time became Gay and Lesbian Centers - then GLBT Centers and soon to be GLBT and P - polyamory - and Q centers - Queer.
Maybe one fine day even the new, trendy METROSEXUALS will join the sexual minorities to party and to parade!
The GAY PARADIGM - which emerged as a result of this desire for being OPEN - was often confrontational to the larger straight community with a certain “WE’RE QUEER and WE’RE HERE!” element in far too many areas of America. In the gay era before AIDS the fact of life was that the gay community was hijacked by the THREE B’S who made a killing - and also ultimately killed off thousands if not millions of gays. They are the BARS, the BATHS, and the BOOKSTORES. Their agenda was to make FILTHY LUCRE and they did so rapaciously for years and years. Gay communities in these early years - including their activists and journalists became dependent on these deep pockets but they too were all too often caught in the thrall of the 3 B’s AGENDA - even hidden agenda of SEEK BUT DO NOT FIND.
Even today the “beau ideal” of the American gay community is some twenty-something twink or hunk or military type - portrayed again and again for decades endlessly and all but mindlessly. This beau ideal type can never be snared and brought home to one’s bed - save at a hefty price (escorts and models or trade) - much less to one’s life and family! Billions have been and will continue to be made on the backs and knees of these 18 to 25 year olds who are then cast off for next year’s “model”. Nothing is sadder than meeting a middle-aged towel boy at a gay bath or spa or a broken down bartender at some gay bar who openly laments that he was once “somebody” in the gay limelight years ago.
The NOT so secret moneymaking agenda of the POWERS THAT BE in the gay community - the 3 B’s and their legion of co- conspirators was “SEEK BUT DO NOT FIND”. Gay men HAD to go out as often as possible to the bars, the baths or the bookstores - as they might be missing out on something or someone. Even if they found someone it was and is all too often a one-night stand if not a 15 minute standup. One gay friend recently admitted to me he had not had horizontal gay sex since the AIDS epidemic was full-blown (i.e. two decades). While many gay men do find long-term committed relationships - as the new Gay Episcopal Bishop of New Hampshire - far too many will regale you with Elizabeth Taylor-esque tales of their 13 husbands and numerous affairs - few lasting more than a season or two. BUT - the 3 B’s want gays “to seek but do not find” - to be good consumers - good customers! I attended University of California’s Hastings College of the Law in San Francisco in the early 70’s and one openly notorious homosexual law student openly proclaimed that his small gay bar and its 11 long-term regular patrons who cashed their every paycheck there paid his way through law school. He admitted that over two dozen such “regulars” were openly feted at all major holidays and their every birthday to keep them as “regulars”.
Even to this day - the GAY PARADIGM - the GAY COMMUNITY is still trying to shirk this “seek but do not find” rigid pattern. Unlike many happy bisexuals - gays and even many Lesbians - are still under this spell - notwithstanding that even the major gay mecca cities San Francisco and New York closed the gay baths - gay bars are half in number or half full today -yet the adult bookstores - and videos - and pornographers are richer than ever - harvesting a new crop of young twinks and studs for their 15 minutes of fame every season of every year until the end of time. The internet has been a major boon to pornography and pornography sales worldwide especially in the gay “beefcake” market.
THE THREE B’S REPLACED BY MAJOR MERCHANTS OF GREED
Things - largely due to AIDS as well as long-term maturing gay and lesbian community - have changed and are changing - but the change from the “3 B’s” holding the community in its thrall has morphed into gross and crass materialism as soon as the major marketing gurus found the Gay and Lesbian NICHE of affluent consumers with huge discretionary spending who were eager to “Seek and Find” and then “Seek and Find” again - consumer goods and luxury travel and the like.
NOW the vast majority of the FORTUNE 500 companies market to the Gay and Lesbian Community noting in their marketing circles that the Gay and Lesbian market is one of the larger and more affluent segments of today’s marketplace. Gays and Lesbians who were already as average American consumers easy prey for materialism and consumerism were even more easily influenced when buying this and that product led to acceptance by this or that major corporate icon, this or that major world conglomerate - tied with greater status and greater rank in one’s millieu.
HERE COME THE ALTERNATIVES:
Finally, after this gay party and Pride parade - then gay Lesbian party and parade - was far along - here come some welcome alternatives. The Metropolitian Community Church has been with us for decades and has sought to help fill the spiritual hunger of many gays and lesbians who want to find that solace and inner peace in a gay and Lesbian religious setting.
Many mainstream Christian churches have embraced the gay and lesbian community in many outreach programs as the Churchof Christ and the Unitarian/Universalists and the gay and lesbian support groups and organizations within their home churches as Dignity, Integritry, and the Brethern and the like. Islam offered up “Gay Muslim” groups and there are many GLBT groups for Jews, Buddhists, and other faiths.
Many gay and lesbians have also explored alternatives to organized religions with New Age thinking, yoga, Scientology and other stops on that long travelled road the American pursuit of happiness trail.
Microcosm vs. Macrocosm:
Maybe gays and lesbians just finally caught up with the mainstream of American life - gross, crass materialism being catered to and cajoled into more and more consumer spending and more and more consumer debt to “Seek and Find” and then continually in yet more and more rounds of self-indulgence and over-indulgence to “Seek and Find” again and again. Sadly there is no “silver bullet” for the Gay and Lesbian community nor American society as a whole. When and where will we all find something more valuable, reliable and relevant - than buy, buy, buy and more, more, more? When?
Best Wishes,
Stewart (Mac) McCloud, Founder/President, Bi MEN NETWORK, www.bimen.org - 1/4 million men with us today!
-END-
I asked Dave how he was doing since it was the anniversary of his wife’s death. He replied, “It’s rough, but what is even worse, is women won’t leave me alone! I don’t want to hurt their feelings, but they phone me too so I can’t even have peace in my own home.”
Dave is encountering desperate women who feel they must have a man in their lives to be complete. Their obvious need is what drives the men away, the opposite of their intent.
You react to people based on how you perceive them. These perceptions are influenced by your perceptual styles: Audio, Visual, Feeler, and Wholistic. Further, when you are desperate, this clouds your perceptions because you see what you want to see. “I just know I’m perfect for him” or “I know he’s interested in me.” You lose your objectivity.
Desperation makes you reactive, causing your hot button to be easily pushed. Your hot button stimulates an emotion out-of-control, which is fueled by fears.
When people of the Audio perception are reactive, there is an undercurrent of anger waiting to vent. Maintaining personal control is important for them. “Get out of my way, he’s mine!” There are basic fears for each perceptual style. For Audios, they are:
Afraid of life being out of control (”With you in my life, I can be back in control again.”)
Afraid of losing face and not being respected (yet, by being pushy or fighting with perceived competition, this is exactly what you are doing).
Afraid of not being lovable (You speak you mind and may talk with a confrontational tone. For some men, this might too forward. They might like you but don’t find you lovable.)
Remedy for Audios: Lighten up and be sensitive to his feelings. Be willing to let him pursue you rather than you badgering him. If he doesn’t call or ask you out, maybe, as authors Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo say in their bestseller book: “he’s just not that into you.” If you relax and realize if it’s meant to be, it will happen, that you can’t make it happen, you will be more in balance with all four of the perceptions. Your softer side will emerge.
When Feelers are reactive, they become indignant, feel sorry for themselves. Feelers are caring and will do thoughtful things but they are also setting up unspoken expectations fueled by their fears:
Afraid of not being appreciated (”You didn’t say thank you” - an expectation placed on him even though he didn’t ask you to do it.)
Afraid of not being liked, loved (Giving and receiving love is a top priority - “I want to him to share his life with me.”)
Afraid of making a mistake (You don’t want to disappoint him so have a difficult time saying no to requests - an easy target for men who use women.)
Afraid of getting hurt (You want to feel secure in a loving relationship. If he wants to be just a friend, you may feel hurt because you expected more.)
Remedy for Feelers: Realize your unsolicited help, such as bringing over meals, might be considered interfering with his privacy and won’t be appreciated. Become your own best friend rather than a needy, desperate woman looking for a man to rescue her. Men enjoy being with someone who is interesting. Show your natural enthusiasm for living - your fun side.
When Visuals are reactive, they become frustrated and depressed. Their biggest trap is perfectionism. “I like you but you need to change in some areas. If you love me, you’ll be willing to make those changes.” This desire for the “perfect” man is fueled by their fears:
Afraid of not being able to live up to one’s own high standards (”If we work at it, we can be the perfect couple.”)
Afraid of running out of time (”I visualized my life as being married and the older I get, the less men there are to make this happen.”)
Fear of the unknown (”I want to feel secure about my future - to be able to visualize it as a comfortable life.”)
Remedy for Visuals: Let go of perfectionism. You can easily be hurt by criticism because you view what you do as who you are Don’t be so hard on yourself if you make mistake or if a relationship didn’t turn out as expected. Learn to accept yourself as you are. You have a wonderful sense of humor because you can easily see the humor in everyday situations. Discover ways to make your life fulfilling without a man. Then you won’t appear desperate because “you’re not getting any younger …”
When Wholistics are reactive, they become resentful and blame others for their discontent. This resentment is fuel by these fears:
Afraid of not being valued or given a chance (”I know you could love me if you’d just give me a chance!”)
Afraid of failure, not reaching full potential (As a Wholistic, you are born with a sense mission, that you are destined for excellence. If this hasn’t happened, you may use excuses to soften the disillusionment you have in yourself.)
Afraid of restrictions, loss of freedom (”I can’t make a commitment - I want to be free to go with the flow.”)
Remedy for Wholistics: Beware of letting your desperation cause you to “settle for less” if you are disillusioned with yourself. You might be attracted to abusive men because you don’t deserve better. It’s never too late to reach excellence, whether it’s being a wonderful grandmother, or writing a book, or finally having the time to do those things you always wanted to do but didn’t have time.
When you aren’t looking for a man is when they are most likely to find you. They might find you or you might approach him though a computer dating service. But if he doesn’t reply to your message despite how strongly he “courted you” in his first messages, he’s lost interest. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you!
Be yourself. The “Red Hat Society” has expanded into hundreds of groups because they are women having a good time just being themselves. Remember Dave’s plea, “I wish the women would leave me alone!”
My Dear Lover,
In most of the long distance relationships the time you are
apart is bigger than the time you are together, and probably
you will be between being together and being apart more than once
in your distance relationship.
And I can tell you, because I have been there more than once,
that the experience of being apart after being together, is one of the most difficult periods in a long distance relationship.
It make us feel so horrible, that sometimes we wonder
“what is wrong with me? Why do I feel like this?”.
Each time we go apart again, mainly three emotional phases
happens (Protest, Depression and Detachment).
While you were together, you were inseparable, took long walks
together and made all moments count, but now is arriving the time
your beloved as to go away.
It’s like something triggers inside you, that say that your beloved is leaving, and you start the first phase, the Protest.
You fight against the separation in all the ways you can.
You feel terrible, you cry without control, some will be angry with “life”, or even with their beloved, some will hold and kiss each other like you will never see each other again.
And even at the last moment, when you are at airport, you will
ignore the last calling of the departure, until you finally realize your beloved really have to leave. Did you ever did this? I did!
But no matter how much you protest to prevent the separation, you
are apart again.
Now comes the second emotional phase of separation, the Depression.
You can’t stop crying, you miss your beloved like hell, you can’t
sleep, can’t eat, lose interest for things, you can’t concentrate
in anything, and all you want is to be together with your beloved
all time. And that is natural reaction when you love somebody so
much.
This phase of depression and loneliness can last only some minutes, but in most cases it will last for several days.
Finally comes the last phase, the Detachment.
You have to continue with your life, even being apart from your
beloved, and being depressed won’t bring your beloved back.
And finally the day that you will be together again arrives, and
probably, you will have to go throughout the phases of separation
again and again!
So now that you understand “what’s wrong with you?” each time you
have to go through the process of separation, does it means that
you can’t do nothing about it?
No, no and no, keep reading and I will show you my advices.
But remember, it’s a fact that no matter how many times you
go by the experience of separation again and again, nothing
eliminates this three phases. The only thing you can do is to
realize their existence, understand each phase, and take action
so you can make this experience more “soft”.
But do you want to know something very interesting?
It is not only me and you and all the people that are living a
Long Distance Relationship, that goes by the Protest, Depression
and Detachment emotional phases, each time we go apart again.
Dr. Gregory Guldner, of the National Institute for Building Long
Distance Relationships, shows in his book
“Long Distance Relationships: The Complete Guide”,
that puppies also “feel” the same as us.
According to Dr. Guldner, “Although it’s difficult to
apply conclusions from research done on animals to the emotions
described in humans, I’ve found that the reactions of the pups
are strikingly similar to the reactions of many of those in LDRs.”
And he continues, “When the researchers removed the mother dog
from the kennel, the pups began to protest. They cried and ran
around the kennel sometimes for hours and even days. Eventually the
pups stopped protesting, but they began to behave as if they
were depressed. They slept poorly, they lost their appetites, they stopped playing with toys in the kennel, they lost weight,
and they withdrew from other dogs.”
And more, “This pattern of protesting the separation, then
behaving depressed, then developing some emotional distance, seemed to represent the usual reaction of the pups to separation.
Because these reactions occur very early in the lives of the pups, there is good reason to believe that the sequence of emotions may even be programmed to help them survive.”
And he states that, ” Researchers speculate that the sequence of
separation, protest, depression, and detachment may reflect an
almost automatic protective reflex in many mammals. How much of
this reflex remains in us humans we don’t know, but I think it
unlikely that we have managed to escape it entirely. More likely, the emotional reactions remain, but we have learned to change the behavior they evoke.”
“But the emotional triggers that cause the pups to cry for days,
and us to feel saddened by our partner’s departure, remain deeply
ingrained.”
And as I told you before, it’s a fact that no matter how many
times you go by the experience of separation again and again, nothing eliminates this three phases. The only thing you can do is to realize their existence, understand each phase, and take action so you can make this experience more “soft”.
And the advice’s I am going to give you, comes from my personal
experience, and from the help of 2 fantastic books, (you can find
their references, at the end of this post) that I did buy, read
and apply, that did in fact help me a lot living again and again
the experience of being apart again and again.
So my advice’s to help you in the phase of Protest (when you fight against the separation in all the ways you can) are:
- Spend the morning or afternoon before your beloved leaves, with
friends. Do something active, to keep your minds “off” of that
moment, and avoid being alone, crying all the time.
- Don’t focus on the pain of being apart again, focus on the
pleasure. How bliss you are for loving and be loved. And you will
not be apart forever.
- If it is too hard for you to take your beloved at the departure
place, like to the airport, and stay together as long as possible, then either say goodbye at your home and let your beloved take a taxi to the airport, or take your beloved at airport but say goodbye in the car.
My advice’s to help you in the phase of Depression are:
- Let out the emotions, cry, scream. Give permission yourself to be “depressed”(but not for long time!), but please please please don’t make yourself miserable.
- Surround yourself with friends and family that can give you all
the support you need, and don’t be alone at your room crying all
time.
- Go to work, go to gym, set goals like getting in shape, and stay active. Go to a comedy movie to make you laugh!
- Don’t focus on how long your beloved will be away. Take comfort
in the fact that you are not really alone, only separated by space.
My advices to the phase of Detachment are:
- Detach yourself of the “pain” of being apart again, but please
don’t detach from your beloved. Keep strong communication with your beloved. Nowadays we are so lucky to have all the technology to make staying in touch so easy, like phone, text messaging, email, faxes, web cams, etc.
- Don’t make the separation between you and your beloved an
obstacle, see as an opportunity to grow.
My Dear Lover, face your feelings, understand them and learn to live with them.
I know it is easier to speak than do, because to me, one of the most difficult things in a Long Distance Relationship, is this emotional phases of separation.
But I am learning, and getting better each time, and very soon it
will arrive the time when there will be no more go away again.
And the same will happen to you.
Be strong , you are not ALONE!!!
Don’t measure the distance, measure the Love, Maria Madeira.
Technorati tags: beloved again apart separation being
When most people think of swinging for adults, they think of two couples getting together for a series of sexual adventures. And in many cases, this is true, but if you’re single, don’t feel left out. You can jump in as well. And there are plenty of single guys and gals who have gotten to fulfill their fantasies with a couple that was looking for a single to add to the mix.
There are no rules as to numbers in swinging. Some like threesomes, and others like more. How much can you handle?
Why you might have trouble
A lot of men in particular are looking to fulfill their fantasy of a threesome with two attractive women. And they can do so, but it’s something that doesn’t happen all of the time. The biggest problem with this scenario is that many of the men take it for granted that the women are just nymphomaniacs that want to be pleasured and not treated well. That’s a great way to never have the opportunity again.
This isn’t just about your fantasy; this is about respecting the couple’s wishes as well. Being polite and up front about what you want from this swinging experience will help to gauge if you have met the right folks to have a good time with.
The bisexuality question
A lot of singles are concerned that they have to be a bisexual in order to get into swinging. It’s an interesting question. And it’s one that really doesn’t have a clear answer because you don’t have to be anything but open-minded. Many swingers are just curious and want to try out something new or watch their partner try out a fantasy. That said, it’s also fairly reasonable to state how you feel up front so that there’s no confusion as to who is with who.
So, you don’t have to be bisexual, but being open beforehand and during the swinging experience might show you things that you may never have considered. Many women find that they are more open to being with another woman, than men are with other men.
Where singles can go
Look in personal ads or online for couples that are looking for a single. It’s really that easy. Go to your local swinger club or to the nearest adult video store for swinger publications. The online swinging dating revolution has created a safe way to meet up with others. You don’t have to reveal anything personal until you find the perfect couple, so you can carefully screen all of the potential play mates. Keep your eyes open and you’ll be able to find someone to help you with your swinger fantasy.
In the meantime, think about why you aren’t actively in a relationship. If you’re just looking for sex, swinging can do that, but it won’t be anything meaningful for you. And it’s rather selfish to only think of your self when the other people involved are hoping for a memorable experience.
Let’s face it, the wedding is all about the bride. But behind every good bride is a rock steady groom who is ready for anything. Having successfully navigated one of life’s most exciting and important milestones, I feel it my duty to pass-on my hard earned advice. So without further ado, here are my top five “Secrets of a Successful Groom:”
1. Be a “Pillar Of Strength” - This wedding planning stuff is an emotional roller-coaster. You WILL fight, you WILL laugh, and one of you might even cry. Your primary role is to be steadfast and sure; to be “a shoulder to cry on.” To stand-up for your future wife when some wedding planner is trying to rip her off, or a photographer is giving her a bad deal. Be strong - Be a man.
2. You Really Do Care - You could probably care less whether the shoes are white or ivory, but you need to act like you really do care. Actually listen to what she’s asking you. It might seem like the most mundane question in the world, but just try to give your best answer…and then expect to be disagreed with. She may or may not need your input, but she definitely needs a sounding board for her ideas.
3. You Made the Right Decision - What comes with this emotional roller-coaster is the occasional feeling that you may have made the wrong decision in asking her hand in marriage. Did I jump the gun? Should I have waited longer? Am I going to be able to live with this woman for the rest of my life? These thoughts are completely NORMAL. Marriage is a huge commitment, and during the excitement of the ring-buying and the proposal you had briefly forgotten how serious it is. Just remember that you put a lot of thought into this decision, and you wouldn’t have made it if you didn’t think it was the right one. Keep telling yourself, “These thoughts are NORMAL.”
4. Start Thinking About Your Toast - It’s never to soon to start thinking about what your going to say for your toast. Some grooms don’t have to do this, but if you do, then start thinking about it. It’s amazing how hard it can be to come up with a few simple words. Consider using a template from a website or a book.
5. Don’t Forget About The Wedding Ring - You thought you were all done when you forked out your life’s savings for that giant rock on her finger. Guess what…you still have to buy her wedding ring. Talk to your jeweler about how much warning he needs to have them ready. It’s okay to bring the bride with you for this one.
Well that’s it. I’m sure you can find some great tips in other articles, but I feel that these tips will serve you well. Just take a deep breath, be patient, and remember the golden rule: SHE IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
and#65279;Let’s face it, dating is tough. It’s even tougher when you have to get past the social hurdles of being gay. No matter what, you must always remember that it’s your first priority to be true to yourself and make sure you’re with the person you’re seeing for the right reasons. If you don’t look out for yourself, no one else will.
Some people go through life thinking that they will never find “The One.” So they settle. They settle for abusive relationships, selfish lovers, cheaters, and liars - just because they don’t want to be alone. They overlook the fact that sometimes being alone for a while is the best thing. Being alone gives you the opportunity to contemplate and decide what you’re looking for, where you want to look for it, and ultimately, where you want to be five or ten years down the road.
I’m not saying that you can plan out any relationship and follow each step of it like a schedule. The truth is, you never know what is going to happen. But if you know just a little bit of what you want out of a relationship, it will only be a benefit to you and the person you’re seeing. Nothing is worse than being with someone who doesn’t know what they want.
That being said, here are some things you ought to consider before giving your heart - your most precious possession - away.
1. Never settle for someone who is selfish. True, we are all selfish in some way or another; but in the grand scheme of things, you’ll want to be with someone who considers your feelings before acting. When you are working 3 jobs, and set aside a long-awaited Saturday night to spend with your loved one, you don’t expect them to go out, get drunk, and fall asleep before you get to their house. That is selfish. Choose someone who puts your feelings above and beyond everything else. “The One” will be waiting for you with a rose.
2. Speaking of roses, be sure to choose someone who is generous and thoughtful - someone who will surprise you with flowers or a nice dinner when you are tired and had a miserable day. They don’t have to do it all the time, but once in a while, to show they care makes all the difference in a relationship.
3. Never settle for someone who is judgmental of others. The more tolerant a person is of others, the more tolerant they will be of you.
4. Never settle for someone who drinks too much or takes drugs. They will never change.
5. Never settle for someone who puts you down and makes you feel unimportant. This person does not care about your feelings. Mistreating you gives them a sense of power. Avoid this person like the plague. If you are involved with them already, tell them to take a hike - even if it is the hardest thing you ever had to do. You’ll thank yourself one day when you do meet “The One.”
6. Never settle for someone who doesn’t know how to laugh and have fun, even in the most trying situations. Someone who can turn a rotten time into the best time is worthy of your time and love.
7. Never settle for someone who leaves you hanging about the future. If they can’t commit to you now, chances are they won’t be committing to you anytime soon. Don’t torture yourself chasing them around. You’ll be wasting your time.
8. Choose someone who helps you be the best person you can be. Be with someone who gives you good advice, and wants you to succeed.
9. Do not be with someone who is jealous - whether they are jealous of your relationships with your friends, or don’t trust you to go out without them there. Without trust, a relationship has no foundation.
10. Choose someone with a big heart, who will love you no matter what you do.
Try to keep these things in mind the next time you make a decision about love. More often than not, you will be grateful that you did.
A couple of days ago, my seven year-old daughter performed in a dance concert. It was her first public performance and we were all very proud of her. She was very excited about it. We know how much she loves to dance.
Her routine was the first performance and we all thought she did rather well and were happy for her. At the end of the concert, my wife presented her with a present, personally wrapped up by her with a beautiful blue coloured wrapper.
To our surprise, my daughter not only did not say thank you to her mother but actually complained about her present. She said she did not like the colour of the wrapper and did not like the present inside it. She was grumpy all the way from the concert hall to our house. This was so unlike her.
The next day, she was still upset. When we invited her out to the shopping complex for a movie, she declined, claiming that she wanted to stay and rest at home.
I knew that something was bothering her and it was not just about the present but I didn’t know what it was. Anyway, the rest of the family went for the movie and had a nice time. Then it struck me that my daughter may have been upset not so much with her present as with herself. Perhaps she had felt that she did not perform as well as she could have. She does have very high expectation of herself and is quite a perfectionist when it comes to her dance.
Once we returned home, my daughter was at the door to greet us. I knew she wanted to talk and took the opportunity to ask her once again why she was upset. I advised her to tell me the real reason why she was upset and when she couldn’t say it, I asked her directly whether she was upset with herself because she thought she did not perform as well as she could have — and she said “yes”.
Once she acknowledged her real feeling, I was able to console her. I told her that we all loved her performance and that it was more important for her to gain experience from her first public performance than to demand a perfect performance from herself.
Then I told her how much her mother has painstakingly chosen a present for her and personally wrapped it up in a beautiful wrapper for her, and that because she had not acknowledged her true feeling to herself and everyone else, she had instead taken out her anger on her mother’s present. In this way, she not only upset herself even more and felt bad about it, she spoilt the occasion for everyone in the family. Perhaps she had reacted unconsciously. We all have this tendency to deny our feelings and lash out at something else instead - children and adults alike - and some poor innocent person unwittingly gets the blame.
I then helped her to realise why it was important that she honestly acknowledge her feelings. The outcome would have been more desirable and the unpleasant feeling would have been resolved much earlier and easier had she been honest about it in the first place. In addition, her mother would not have been hurt by her reaction to her present and she would have had a wonderful day at the movie with us.
By not acknowledging her true feeling, she reacted in a way that created a chain reaction of anger that was directed at everyone in her path and basically created more problems for herself and everyone else. These problems could have been avoided or would not even have existed had she been honest about her feelings from the beginning.
I thought this was an important lesson for her and for everyone, and was glad to have the opportunity to talk to her about it.
P.S. About an hour later after our talk, she came over and whispered a “thank you, daddy” into my ears and I could see that she was back to her normal self again. It was as if a burden has been lifted from her little shoulders.
If you are ready to start winning in the dating world, follow this simple strategy for success:
Lesson 1: First Impressions
They are immediate, long lasting, and usually permanent. Regardless of how great you are, and no matter how sweet you can be once someone gets to know you, the reality is, your dating success will be based almost entirely upon the other person’s initial sense of who and what you are.
Lesson 2: If you want the part, look the part
Statistics show that how we appear speaks more about us, and is more important, than what we say verbally.
Lesson 3: Act the part
It is a fact that in our personal affairs, as in all our business dealings, we sell ourselves first. Poor attitude, image, and behavior will adversely affect your dating success, just as it will negatively affect your success in business.
Lesson 4: Be the part.
The initial impression you make on a prospective date predicts whether she (or he) will take the time to get to know you. Dating, as well as business, is all about sales. You must think of yourself as a
product and the person you want to date as the buyer.
Lesson 5: Dating is about sales and sales is a numbers game
If you want to multiply your success immediately in dating (or just about anything else), learn, understand, and embrace the concept behind “the numbers game.” Accept and follow these tenets:
1. You are a product
2. You are the product’s salesperson, its packager, and its advertiser.
3. The person you’re trying to attract is your customer. They make their buying decisions based upon presentation, packaging, and advertising.
4.The world’s best salespeople don’t have a 100 percent sales rate, a 75 percent rate, a 50 percent or even a 25 percent rate. The world’s best salespeople are lucky to maintain a 10 percent sales rate and count themselves lucky if one out of every ten “pitches” results in a sale.
Lesson 6: Confidence = success
The number one quality both men and women seek in a date or a mate is confidence. Confidence is also the key attribute that all professional salesmen must possess in order to be successful. People do not buy products or services from someone who has no confidence in themselves or the products they represent.
Lesson 7: Establish a goal
A confident person is one with a plan and a goal. What’s yours?
Lesson 8: Know your target market and give them what they want
Understand to whom you are trying to sell yourself and what they are interested in buying.
Lesson 9: Analyze the competition and do things better than they do
Just as you would study a competitor in business or a rival sports team, study your dating competition if you want to win!
Lesson 10: Take action and follow through
Deal with your fear of rejection. Stop investing your energy and self-worth in outcomes. Instead of thinking of ‘misses’ as ‘failures,’ think of them as ‘practice shots’. Dating is a process. Stop placing so much importance on what the person you are interested in thinks of you. After all, you don’t know if you would even like them once you get to know them, do you?
Set small goals and accomplish them, one by one. Get passionate about your goals and your life. Enthusiasm is contagious, if you are excited about your life, people will be excited about being with you.
Dress for success. Always put your best foot forward And don’t forget to perfect your sales pitch. If you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting the same result.
Lesson 10: Live as if there may be no tomorrow
Realize there are no guarantees, no dress rehearsals, and (usually) no second chances. Make each day “your day,” one in which you did all that you could do.